Bedroom Submissive

Politics and Pleasure

2008-10-03T07:59:00.000-07:00

It always gets me how strange things can be here. Take, for instance, last night.

Last night we both did our work and then met in the living room to watch the Vice Presidential debate (side note: Biden won that one in my eyes). We were relaxing. He had his arm around me and I loved being able to snuggle back into him.

We watched for about an hour and a half and then, just when I was getting sleepy, he started to caress my breasts. In a playful mood, I pushed his hands off of me.

"Who do you belong to?" he whispered in my ear. It was time to play.

"Me."

He didn't like that answer and pulled me closer.

"Who do you belong to?"

"I belong to me." I said firmly. I don't, of course, but I was craving his attention.

A few minutes of growling and tickling he pinned me down and started caressing me. His mouth was a breath away from mine and I struggled to kiss him.

"Who do you belong to?"

I groaned and refused to answer. The torment continued as he breathed on my neck and on my shoulder. His hands kept me pinned down and he refused to let me touch him or to touch.

"It's driving you mad, isn't it Baby? Who do you belong to."

I couldn't stand it anymore. I wanted his lips on me. I wanted to touch him.

"You do."

He grinned and I finally got to taste his mouth as his tongue delved deeply into my own. He kissed me for a few minutes, making things even hotter, and then pulled away.

"I want you to go into the bedroom and get your collar and then present yourself to me. You're mine and I want to make sure you remember that."

I did as he asked. Of course I did.

I came back into the living room and he put the collar on me. He still fits it loosely on and it feels less like a restriction and more like a comfort every time he uses it. He caressed me and kissed me for a few more moments.

"Now I want you to go into the bedroom, get naked, and wait for me. Before I'm done tonight you will remember who you belong to."

My ass still stings a bit from the encounter - but I definitely know who I belong to, and am truly happy about it.

Fantasizing

2008-10-02T06:43:00.000-07:00

It's very difficult for me to understand this all sometimes. I mean, I was raised by a single mother who is very strict in her thinking that women do not need a "man" (and I say that in quotes because that's how it always sounded when she talked about it) to get along.

Yet growing up all I wanted was a man to take care of me. Go figure.

Anyway, when I met Sir (I'm seriously considering giving him another name on this blog), I knew that he was a nice guy. I knew that he was the kind of sweetheart that you could cuddle up with and depend on. Then we went to bed together (six hours after we met) and I thought that maybe he was a softie in the bedroom as well.

Nope.

He immediately took charge. Something in me, however, resisted against it, and it was only until a few days before this blog started that I started to admit to myself how I feel.

I've always had "rape" fantasies. What do I mean by a rape fantasy? Let me give you an example.

I'm working out of the house one evening. I come home and get ready for bed. I begin to get undressed, but before I am able to get my clothes off, I get snagged from behind. A mask is slipped on my eyes and a rough voice growls in my ear, "you're mine".

His rough hands feel down my body, glancing past my breasts and past my stomach. His sweet touches only last for a minute before he is ripping my clothes off and shoving me down on the bed. He straps me down and begins to nip and bite his way up and down my body, stopping every few minutes to ravage my mouth.

I suddenly feel something hot on my mouth and hear him grow, "open up". I obey and his cock fills my mouth, hot and hard. He thrusts inside of my mouth and groans at the pleasure I give him with my tongue.

His finger travels down to test my wetness and, not finding it to his liking, his mouth travels down to fix the problem himself. His tongue flicks gently over my clit and his finger thrusts in and out of my pussy.

Once it is wet and I am straining against my bonds, he replaces his fingers with his cock, pushing it in while I stretch up against him, delighting in the feel of his weight and his skin.

It doesn't last long - a few thrusts and we're both seeing fireworks behind our eyes.

These are the kinds of fantasies I have. I've heard that many women who like to be dominated have rape fantasies - is this true?

Been a Month

2008-10-01T12:40:00.000-07:00

I just realized that it's been a month since I updated here - I can only say that it's because I've been really busy with work and because we've been going through a weird time. I felt so good being submissive to him...until we got our first collar. The minute he put it on me I felt strangled and confined and scared as hell. Of course, being me, I shut my mouth and didn't say anything, and then things started to fall apart.

I felt horrible about wearing the collar, and every time I turned around he put it back on me, making me resent him. Then, three times in a row, we had sex and I have very, very little pleasure. I wanted to please him, but I wanted to be thought of as well. Once during that time I was even left hurting.

I was blaming him, thinking that he was the one who was at fault. After all, he's supposed to be my "sir" and is supposed to be careful with me, right?

I finally confronted him and told him what was bothering me (after a week of absolutely no sex). I told him that he'd hurt me and that he wasn't thinking of me and wasn't taking care of me, and he reminded me of something:

I need to open my mouth if I want him to know how I'm feeling. He can't know what I'm feeling without me telling him.

"Baby," he said, "I'm not psychic. If something happens, you have to tell me. You're not the only one just figuring things out."

I relaxed and told him that the collar made me feel uncomfortable. In fact, anything around my neck bothers me - I don't even wear turtlenecks! He said that he wished I'd told him before and that we could come up with some sort of solution.

The next time he asked if I was okay with him putting the collar on me or if I wanted him to do something else. I said that the collar was fine as long as it was loose, so he put it very loose. Suddenly the weight felt better and I felt more comfortable.

The point of this quick post is to let you know that I'm still here - and to let me know that I'm still here. I need to document this journey so that I will understand why being owned by him feels so good and so right. I need to document this to know what works for us and what doesn't, and I need to document this so that I can understand.

I wish I had a friend who knew about this stuff...someone I could talk to and get ideas from. I guess that's why they invented the internet, huh?

Half-Hearted Punishment

2008-08-27T11:24:00.000-07:00

I teased Him last night as much as I possibly could, starting from the minute he came home. Whenever there was a moment when no one was looking, I flashed my boobs or brushed up against His crotch. I did everything I could to torment Him. He looked severely aggrieved and promised retribution. I tingled in excitement at those words.

We're still figuring this whole thing out, as it pertains to us, and I have been trying to tease Him simply to provoke a response. His looks last night promised a huge response.

The kiddos went to bed and he put the soft restraints on my ankles (still waiting on our neck collar). The pone rang as someone was calling me back about a party we're invited to next month. I took the call sitting in my computer chair when He came in. He lifted up my shirt and started sucking, ever so gently, on my nipples. He reached inside my comfy pants and stuck his fingers gently inside of me. He rubbed my clit with his thumb while his middle finger eased in and out of me. Eventually the most difficult phone call of my life ended, and he pulled away.

I grabbed for him but he left and promised that he would continue after my work was done.

I went into the living room and began to tease and torment him again, kissing him and grinding against his cock. He undid his pants and allowed me to suck lick him. He then stood me up and threw his cock inside of my dripping wet pussy, pounding hard and fast and coming extremely quickly.

I won that round.

Later, however, he ordered me to lay down on the bed on my stomach. He attached another pair of soft restraints to my wrists and hooked me onto the under the bed restraint system, with my back and butt naked to the air. He began to massage me, and then put his fingers inside of me and moved them quickly. He was trying to tease me as retribution for my teasing of him all day, but he didn't succeed. A few minutes after starting, he unhooked me and came inside of me again.

He rolled onto his back and thrust up into me, having me alternate between sucking his cock and riding him. Sooner than he wanted, he came inside of me again.

I told him afterwards that he hadn't acted very dominate that evening. He agreed, and said it was because he still felt sorry about the experience we had a few nights before that, when he went too far.

That is why I have been writing his name with a lower case h - because today, for me, he doesn't feel like Sir, merely sir.

Then again, we're just starting on our venture, and I'm sure that we'll make some mistakes along the way - right?

Not Well

2008-08-26T04:37:00.000-07:00

Last night was the first night since we have changed our lives around that He didn't use me. I tend to get a migraine every once in awhile, and yesterday the atmosphere and stress was enough to trigger it, so I spent most of the day just trying to keep from hiding in my bed under the covers.

He knew I felt crappy, and not only made supper for the kiddos, but also took care of them 100% for the entire evening. His only concern was that I feel better. It took some serious painkillers, but today, thankfully, the pain is gone.

We did manage to talk a bit last night about how his first day back to work went in regards to him thinking about me/us/submission. He said that He'd been thinking about me all day, and that He was anxious for our quiet time to begin so that he could put the ankle restraint on me and visually claim me as His. Since I was feeling ill, however, He did not. It's only been a few days, but already I felt odd not having His visual stamp on me and told him so. He reminded me that we have forever for me to be claimed his, and that I needed to focus on getting better.

We're waiting for our first collar to arrive in the mail. I teased Him yesterday and said that maybe it had already come in, and that I was hiding it from him.

"Do you really want to do that?" He asked.

"No." I replied and watched Him grin.

Teasing Him is an excellent way to get a response out of Him, and even though I love when He takes over my body and uses it to bring me pleasure, I also adore when He tries to teach me a lesson. So far the lessons have been for minor infractions. I wonder what He'd do if I did something really bad...

Not Everything Goes Perfectly

2008-08-25T05:38:00.000-07:00

We hit our first snafu last night.

The first two nights of our new lifestyle went swimmingly. They were filled with submission, an eagerness to please Him, and His eagerness to do things to my body.

I've never been one for anal play. I don't see anything wrong with it for other people, but it isn't something that really turns me on - probably because everytime He and I have played with my behind, I wind up in pain. He recognizes that this is because He goes too hard, too fast, but it still hurts in a BAD way.

Three nights ago He stuck his finger in my ass very lightly while he was licking my clit. It felt delicious. Two nights ago he used his finger in my ass as a form of punishment. I had disobeyed him (I took my restraints off fearing that the kids would hear them), and he was tormenting me beyond measure, giving me a feeling of fullness in my ass without satisfying the desire I had in my pussy. The result was actually very enjoyable, and I found myself wondering if anal play could be fun after all. I made sure to tell Him how I felt about the slow anal play, and he seemed happy about it.

Last night we were on the couch and he began enforcing one of his new edicts - if I want something, I have to barter for it with something else. I wanted, at that point in time, to suck Him. He said that, in order to do so, I would have to have his finger in my ass. Now here's where I admit that I honestly didn't want Him to put His finger there. I wasn't really in the mood for it. I am trying, however, to give myself over to Him and His desires, so I nodded yes.

About ten minutes into this foray things were getting very intense. He had me over His lap and was using His fingers in a number of different ways - rubbing my clit, sticking it in my pussy, and so on. Then He said that I deserved to be licked and He went down on me. His fingers went into my ass again and into my pussy.

Suddenly it hurt. It hurt bad. He had shoved His finger into my ass so far that I was in serious pain, and since we'd forgotten about a safeword (dammit), I found myself kicking Him off of me as fast as I could and curling up in a ball on the couch.

He apologized. Over and over again, He said how He was sorry. I asked for him to take the restraints off, as they felt wrong at that point in time, and he gave in a bit by leaving the restaints on but taking the chains off. He kept petting me, over and over, and saying how sorry He was.

For a few moments I thought that this wasn't going to work. I had given myself to Him and He knew my boundaries, yet He had taken advantage of the situation and had been doing something that not only felt bad, but felt painful in a bad way.

We came to bed and He continued to apologize, saying that He did abuse my trust and that it would never happen again. He said that it was the heat of the moment and that He was never going to hurt me again.

"After all," He said, "I'm supposed to take care of you. I never want to hurt you, just take care of you."

I liked hearing Him say that He wants to take care of me. I eventually relaxed and snuggled up to Him.

"I've been hard for you all day," He whispered in my ear. "I want you, but this time it's your decision."

Of course I wanted Him. The last few days I feel like that's all I've been doing, is wanting Him.

"I'm glad this happened now," He said afterwards. "I'd rather have it happen now than further on down the road."

Me too. I know things won't always be perfect with this new chosen lifestyle, and we'll have to iron things out when they arise, but so far it's more positives than negatives. When before I would have been pissed at the entire situation that occured last night, instead I just felt hurt and misused.

I love Him, and I will do anything to make Him happy, including forgiving Him for His mistakes.

The Beginning

2008-08-24T14:17:00.000-07:00

I've been writing blogs for a long time, and the one thing I always have a problem with is the begining. Where do you start? Let's start here.

I am 29 years old and have been with my husband since the end of 1999. We have 2 children - a boy who is 7 and a daughter who is 4. I work at home and have been doing so for a year and a half.

However, I have a whole other blog that deals with my family life, and this blog is not about that. This is about our journey into dominance and submission. How, after almost a decade of being together, we have recently learned our true roles in the bedroom.

I am a very dominant personality, or at least I thought I was. I continually tried to get my husband to do what I wanted him to do, and always felt frustrated at how things would turn out.

Sexually, I was/am a mess. I had one relationship before my husband, and had only a handful of non-toy-related orgasms. When I met Him, I learned a lot about sex and what was okay - which, in His mind, was anything that we felt comfortable with.

Our relationship, like any, has had its rocky points. A few days ago, for some reason or other (and I honestly can't remember why), I became convinced that maybe, possibly, I was extremely submissive in bed - more submissive than I'd realized beforehand. I had always had these rape fantasies, and I had a hard time taking control in the bedroom.

A friend of mine said that I was a natural Bedroom Submissive, and that I may want to try collaring. I had no idea WHAT collaring was. She sent me some links and explained that it was very much like a light switch for some people. When the collar goes on, She becomes she, and is submissive in every way to her lover.

He was very intrigued by the idea, and agreed to give it a shot. That very night (only two nights ago) he came out into the dining room and put a soft restraint on my ankle. He wouldn't answer any of my questions.

He put another one on my ankle about a half an hour that, and waited until I was through with work to begin his domination of my body, heart, and soul. I will write more about the first experience later - I promise.

Suffice to say, I am now three days into my training to become a true Bedroom Submissive. Part of me used to believe that Submission was silly, and that it was for "weak women". I am learning, however, that it is something else entirely, as is He.

What will follow will be the accountings of our journey - all aspects of it. If you have any comments or questions, I would greatly appreciate them! Thanks!